Is It Okay to Cum On A Woman’s Face?
Welcome to Cuntlove’s advice column. I don’t claim to be an expert at anything. Rather, I hope that this advice column will become a place of discussion and support. I invite all readers to join the discussion and offer advice, or at the very least direct the person seeking help to the appropriate resources. Personal stories and experiences about the issues at hand are appreciated. That being said, let’s get to it.
Lately I have really enjoyed sex but I sometimes want to make it more pleasurable. Like do you think it would be bad if I ejaculated on my girlfriend’s boobs or face? Would it be disrespectful?
When you’re unsure if your partner would enjoy a certain sexual act or not, it’s probably a sign that you should ask them about it. I know some people find it awkward to talk about sex, especially in the beginning of a relationship, but when it comes to having a fulfilling sex life being honest with yourself and your partner is extremely important.
I’ve never had someone ejaculate on my face, but I have had someone ejaculate on my breasts, which I found really enjoyable. I don’t think there’s anything inherently demeaning about ejaculating on a woman’s face or tits, but it’s also about attitude and intent.
I was talking with a guy a while back about the kinds of things we liked sexually. We were considering entering into a purely physical relationship, until I found out he had a girlfriend, and one of the things he wanted to do was cum on my face. I won’t go into details regarding what he said, but his attitude put me off. It’s not that I felt the act in-itself was disrespectful, but that I felt this guy had no respect for me and that his intent was to be demeaning, which I found to be a turn off.
Power play can be fun, and within the confines of a respectful and honest relationship, even things we consider demeaning can be huge turn ons. Call a woman a whore at the wrong time and with the wrong intent and she’ll kick your ass for it, but do it while you’re fucking and she asks you to and she’ll love it.
We all have a wide range of sexual likes and dislikes, so it’s important to be able to discuss them with our sexual partners. People have different communication styles though, and it’s equally important to respect everyone’s comfort zone. If you feel that your lover, partner, or girlfriend might be uncomfortable with you ejaculating on her face or her tits, I would not recommend that you do ahead and do it without talking about it first. If you feel that it’s appropriate, you can just come right out and ask her in the heat of the moment, or if you’d rather you can always talk about it first.
There are a lot of ways to bring up sex in conversation. Sometimes you can come right out and bring it up over a cup a coffee, and it doesn’t need to be awkward. Other times, you can turn it into something fun or sexy; a little dirty talk; a little exchange of fantasies to get the ball rolling nice and hot.
In the end though, no matter what I or anybody else says, you know yourself and your partner well enough to know which style of communication will work best. The important part is taking the initiative to express your wants and desires.
Unfortunately, the reality is that a lot of people think that ejaculating on someone’s face is disrespectful, and in some cases, I’m sure they’re right, but I was reading an article the other day on Jezebel called He Wants to Jizz on Your Face, but Not Why Your Think that shed an interesting alternative perspective on the matter.
“Facials are degrading — and that’s why they’re so hot.” So says America’s leading sex columnist Dan Savage about the act of ejaculating semen on to someone’s face. But the appeal of the facial can’t be summed up with that single term. Rather, this act that’s become the standard coda in porn is about much more than the longing to dominate or humiliate a sex partner. Understanding what makes it such a ubiquitous trope in adult movies (and in people’s private sexual lives) means understanding a particularly male longing for acceptance.
A few years ago, in a humanities course on the body, my class was discussing one of the most famous selections from the now-iconic Vagina Monologues, “Because He Liked to Look at It”. The monologue tells the story of a woman who thought her vagina was “incredibly ugly” until she meets a man named Bob, who loves to stare at —and taste — her vulva with delight and wonder. Bob’s embrace of her body is the key to her self-acceptance. During our discussion of the monologue, a male student noted bravely that he thought many men felt the same way about their penises. Perhaps, he suggested, the intense appeal of facials in porn (and real life) was about men’s desire for that same experience of being validated as desirable, as good, as “not dirty.” For a young man raised with the sense that his body – and especially his penis – is “disgusting”, a woman’s willingness to accept a facial is an intensely powerful source of affirmation.
At the same time (as perhaps with anal sex), many people struggle to believe that receiving a facial is something a woman could enjoy. Andelloux told me a story about a seminar she ran recently on a college campus during which a young woman shared that she experienced her first orgasm when her boyfriend came on her face. “Nothing else that was said that day shocked the audience so much. I could tell a lot of people didn’t believe her. But I did.” Andelloux remarked that some other women reacted with hostility, “as if by admitting a liking for facials, she was committing an act of violence against other women.” In the era of porn wars, perhaps not even anal sex is as politicized as the question of where the ejaculate lands.
It’s all very interesting stuff, and I recommend the whole article to get a better sense of the excerpts I re-posted above, but as you can see there are a lot of different things to consider when it comes to “where the ejaculate lands.” I definitely believe that no one should be made to feel shame because they happen to dig facials. It’s not always necessary to delve deeper into our sexual likes and dislikes, but in expressing them to another person, especially someone you want to include in your personal sexual desires, it can be helpful to explain why you like something. Telling someone why you find something really hot, can go a long way in terms of sparking their interest. Just stay clear of trying to pressure someone into doing something they’re initially turned off by, but it’s not a bad idea to ask your partner why they object to something, so you can get a dialogue going.