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Is It Okay to Cum On A Woman’s Face?

February 16, 2012

Welcome to Cuntlove’s  advice column. I don’t claim to be an expert at anything. Rather, I hope that this advice column will become a place of discussion and support. I invite all readers to join the discussion and offer advice, or at the very least direct the person seeking help to the appropriate resources. Personal stories and experiences about the issues at hand are appreciated. That being said, let’s get to it.

Lately I have really enjoyed sex but I sometimes want to make it more pleasurable. Like do you think it would be bad if I ejaculated on my girlfriend’s boobs or face? Would it be disrespectful?

When you’re unsure if your partner would enjoy a certain sexual act or not, it’s probably a sign that you should ask them about it. I know some people find it awkward to talk about sex, especially in the beginning of a relationship, but when it comes to having a fulfilling sex life being honest with yourself and your partner is extremely important.

I’ve never had someone ejaculate on my face, but I have had someone ejaculate on my breasts, which I found really enjoyable. I don’t think there’s anything inherently demeaning about ejaculating on a woman’s face or tits, but it’s also about attitude and intent.

I was talking with a guy a while back about the kinds of things we liked sexually. We were considering entering into a purely physical relationship, until I found out he had a girlfriend, and one of the things he wanted to do was cum on my face. I won’t go into details regarding what he said, but his attitude put me off. It’s not that I felt the act in-itself was disrespectful, but that  I felt this guy had no respect for me and that his intent was to be demeaning, which I found to be a turn off.

Power play can be fun, and within the confines of a respectful and honest relationship, even things we consider demeaning can be huge turn ons. Call a woman a whore at the wrong time and with the wrong intent and she’ll kick your ass for it, but do it while you’re fucking and she asks you to and she’ll love it.

We all have a wide range of sexual likes and dislikes, so it’s important to be able to discuss them with our sexual partners. People have different communication styles though, and it’s equally important to respect everyone’s comfort zone. If you feel that your lover, partner, or girlfriend might be uncomfortable with you ejaculating on her face or her tits,  I would not recommend that you do ahead and do it without talking about it first. If you feel that it’s appropriate, you can just come right out and ask her in the heat of the moment, or if you’d rather you can always talk about it first.

There are a lot of ways to bring up sex in conversation. Sometimes you can come right out and bring it up over a cup a coffee, and it doesn’t need to be awkward. Other times, you can turn it into something fun or sexy; a little dirty talk; a little exchange of fantasies to get the ball rolling nice and hot.

In the end though, no matter what I or anybody else says, you know yourself and your partner well enough to know which style of communication will work best. The important part is taking the initiative to express your wants and desires.

Unfortunately, the reality is that a lot of people think that ejaculating on someone’s face is disrespectful, and in some cases, I’m sure they’re right, but I was reading an article the other day on Jezebel called He Wants to Jizz on Your Face, but Not Why Your Think that shed an interesting alternative perspective on the matter.

“Facials are degrading — and that’s why they’re so hot.” So says America’s leading sex columnist Dan Savage about the act of ejaculating semen on to someone’s face. But the appeal of the facial can’t be summed up with that single term. Rather, this act that’s become the standard coda in porn is about much more than the longing to dominate or humiliate a sex partner. Understanding what makes it such a ubiquitous trope in adult movies (and in people’s private sexual lives) means understanding a particularly male longing for acceptance.

[…]

A few years ago, in a humanities course on the body, my class was discussing one of the most famous selections from the now-iconic Vagina Monologues, “Because He Liked to Look at It”. The monologue tells the story of a woman who thought her vagina was “incredibly ugly” until she meets a man named Bob, who loves to stare at —and taste — her vulva with delight and wonder. Bob’s embrace of her body is the key to her self-acceptance. During our discussion of the monologue, a male student noted bravely that he thought many men felt the same way about their penises. Perhaps, he suggested, the intense appeal of facials in porn (and real life) was about men’s desire for that same experience of being validated as desirable, as good, as “not dirty.” For a young man raised with the sense that his body – and especially his penis – is “disgusting”, a woman’s willingness to accept a facial is an intensely powerful source of affirmation.

[…]

At the same time (as perhaps with anal sex), many people struggle to believe that receiving a facial is something a woman could enjoy. Andelloux told me a story about a seminar she ran recently on a college campus during which a young woman shared that she experienced her first orgasm when her boyfriend came on her face. “Nothing else that was said that day shocked the audience so much. I could tell a lot of people didn’t believe her. But I did.” Andelloux remarked that some other women reacted with hostility, “as if by admitting a liking for facials, she was committing an act of violence against other women.” In the era of porn wars, perhaps not even anal sex is as politicized as the question of where the ejaculate lands.

It’s all very interesting stuff, and I recommend the whole article to get a better sense of the excerpts I re-posted above, but as you can see there are a lot of different things to consider when it comes to “where the ejaculate lands.” I definitely believe that no one should be made to feel shame because they happen to dig facials. It’s not always necessary to delve deeper into our sexual likes and dislikes, but in expressing them to another person, especially someone you want to include in your personal sexual desires, it can be helpful to explain why you like something. Telling someone why you find something really hot, can go a long way in terms of sparking their interest. Just stay clear of trying to pressure someone into doing something they’re initially turned off by, but it’s not a bad idea to ask your partner why they object to something, so you can get a dialogue going.

11 Comments leave one →
  1. February 16, 2012 5:03 pm

    Good post. I’ve been seeing someone for about a month now and while we have fun in the bedroom, there’s a thing or two I’ve been wanting to bring up or suggest. I have been worried about embarrassing him (if he takes my ideas to mean that I am not satisfied with his current performance), or having him not be into it.

  2. February 16, 2012 7:07 pm

    Adult consensual sex should include anything and everything open to discussion.

  3. February 16, 2012 7:49 pm

    @Brian: Agreed.

    @Adamsdaughter: If you’re afraid of him feeling like he’s not satisfying you, try using “positive language”…. you know, like instead of saying “I’d like it better if…” or “I would like it if…” say “I love it when…” or “…makes me really hot.” Just knowing that something really turns someone on is usually enough to get the ball rolling.

  4. February 17, 2012 10:30 am

    Olga, I really like your common sense approach. You give very good advice and describe your thoughts and feelings clearly. That’s, obviously why you are a very good writer.

    I believe sex is 90% mental, so it’s important to have a mutual understanding of each other’s inner-most thoughts, desires, and fantasies. I find it easiest to have these type of discussions during foreplay. I also share a lot of my thoughts, desires, and fantasies in writing, but I like to write and she likes to read what I write. I find it easier to express myself in writing; I feel I can carefully work on the wording – keeping in mind her perspective and what she might think and feel while reading it.

    As far as ejaculating on the woman’s face, it IS all about attitude – and the moment. Hopefully you are in a caring relationship with your sexual partner, and if you are, you obviously respect them. That being said, I feel you must also be considerate of her comfort. I seen some porn where the guy shoots into a woman’s eyes or up her nose. That can’t be enjoyable for her! Her taking his cum on her cheek, chin, on or in her mouth can be a turn-on. I see it as her total acceptance of him and of his sex.

    Cumming in a woman’s mouth is an area similar to the one under discussion. I view that also as a woman’s total acceptance of the man. And if she swallows his cum – that can be TOTAL acceptance and love for him!

    My ex-wife never used to let me cum in her mouth. She let me do it once and ran to the bathroom, spit it in the sink, and gargled for 5 minutes. She obviously hated the taste of my semen, and I respected that. She’d still give me blowjobs, and I’d tell her when I was about to orgasm, and she’d remove her mouth and watch me ejaculate. I didn’t want to ejaculate in her mouth knowing how she felt about it. I knew it was a tremendous turn-off for her, and my pleasure is directly related to my partner’s pleasure.

    My girlfriend, on the other hand, joyously sucks my cock, takes my cum in her mouth, and swallows it! Talk about total acceptance of me and my sexuality! Is it demeaning for her? Possibly. Is it loving of her? Definitely! It makes me feel totally accepted and loved, and it brings us tremendously close! I love her all the more for doing it.

    Is me going down on her, licking her cunt demeaning to me? Possibly. But I LOVE to be submissive to her pleasure in that way. I love eating her cunt for three reasons. First, I enjoy eating pussy. Second, I love her very much, and that is one physical way I can show it. And third, it gives her great pleasure, and she always orgasms when I do. Amazingly I am the only man who has ever made her cum that way!

    So I suppose that all of these topics have, to a certain degree, the aspect of dominance and submissiveness. And that can be very erotic emotionally with the right partner.

  5. February 19, 2012 12:57 pm

    Olga…when you don’t post anything for several days, I go into cuntlove-withdrawal!
    –your addicted fan

  6. February 19, 2012 2:19 pm

    Great advice here.
    On the cumming on a woman’s face topic I must say that I myself can’t get into it under normal circumstances.
    It is such a turnoff it actually stops me from cumming to try it. I’m with Dan Savage on why guys like it and I simply come from the other side mentally. I don’t like degrading women sexually even if they are ok with it.
    I have however found a few times when women desire it so bad that it becomes a turn on. When they beg for it it can be o.k. I guess that it causes my subconscious to allow it.
    I also have been asked a few times to help with small private bukkake parties for a couple friends and that also was hot. There was no doubt as to the desire of the girls and what was expected.

  7. February 19, 2012 4:04 pm

    Haha, I’m glad to hear I have an addicted fan.

  8. February 19, 2012 4:09 pm

    It’s all about perception, intent, and our own personal boundaries. I’m sure there are many reasons why “men” want to do it besides the whole “it’s degrading, that’s why it’s hot” philosophy, but that doesn’t mean I think that one should be dismissed either. I personally don’t find it pleasant to be demeaned, but I have an easier time understanding the desire to be demeaned than wanting to demean others.

    For instance, on the subject of “rape fantasies,” I have an easier time understanding someone who would have a being raped fantasy as opposed to someone who has a raping fantasy… if you can see the difference. The latter makes me more uncomfortable.

  9. November 12, 2014 2:44 am

    Women never want to be asked what they think about something that gives them empowerment, to emasculate there partner. Its a turn off. On the other hand women are more inclind to emasculate there partner with expressions of love with no affiliation with sex.
    There also likely to cheat & given the sercumstance, would emasculate there partner by having a man take control of them & yet give them empowerment over there partner through humiliation.

  10. November 12, 2014 2:50 am

    @ Adamsdaughter – Ask him to do something for you sexually out of the blue when he doesnt anticipate it. I bet hill do it for you, faster then you can take his pants off.

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