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Threesome: A Tale of Unconventional Love

August 28, 2010

Have you ever seen the 90’s masterpiece Threesome? It’ s a little gem of a movie about three roommates in college who develop an unhealthy affinity for one another. You see, the girl loves the boy and the boy wants the other boy while the other boy wants to girl. Ya dig? Of course the only way for all three of them to get what they want is to have a threesome.

This is the movie that taught me that sex is a lot like pizza, cause no matter how bad it is it’s still pretty good. It starred a young Lara Flynn Boyle pre Jack Nicholson and scary boniness, as well as Josh Charles as the boy in love with the boy who happened to be none other than Stephen Baldwin. IMDB may have given it a paltry 5.8 out of 10, but Threesome will always hold a special place in my heart.

It was revolutionary for its time. It fueled masturbatory dreams across the country for girls who just wanted to get in on with two boys. Threesomes aren’t just for hetero boys who have a fetish for seeing two girls making out. They come in all sorts of combinations. No lie.

I was just talking the other day to one of my friends and I was telling her about how I had a sort of almost threesome in high school and how I almost, maybe, had sex with one of the guys, but couldn’t absolutely be sure. Has that ever happened to you? I mean, for example, when making a list of all the people you’ve had sex with there are always one or two incidents that you’re just not sure count as sex. It’s all about what you define as sex, right? A hetero definition of sex seems to rely solely on penetration, which dismisses all other forms of sex. It’s pretty limited as far as definitions go, but if that’s the defining act you are going with, does it count if it was a minor form of penetration? What if he just slipped in the tip and only for a second, does that count?

I was a lot less discerning as a teenager when it came to some sexual escapades. This particular almost sex, kind of threesome happened on a weekday. I had gone, by myself, to see a movie downtown where I ran into two boys that I knew. We didn’t really watch much of the movie and ended up drinking a few beers in the staircase at the back of the movie theatre. Things quickly turned flirty and from there it wasn’t a far stretch to putting our words into action. This threesome was all about me enjoying the benefit of two sets of hands. Double mint pleasure, or something like that. By this time we had changed location and the three of us were now enjoying the confines of the backroom of our local tavern. Ah yes, good times, good times indeed. Only the drinks kept flowing and it wasn’t long before my head started to spin.

I remember standing up, my unbuttoned pants failing below my hips, one of the boys had left the room and the other may or may not have had the opportunity to penetrate me. Does this count as sex? I don’t think so. Hell, I’m not even sure that’s what happened. By then, I was so drunk it stopped being a story of sexual experimentation and became a story of borderline “where the hell did my ability to consent go?”. The two boys were propping me up between them. My forehead leaning on one of their shoulders, I was trying to keep still long enough for the room to stop spinning. The conversation stopped involving me directly and all I managed to hear was “hotel room…tag team…'” or something or other.

I had just enough sense and willpower left to get the hell out of there, which is precisely what I did. As willing as I was to participate in a threesome, I really did not like the image of myself sprawled on a hotel bed while two dudes took turns. I had not signed up to star in what could only turn into an after school special about sexual agency and consent.

Somehow in my mind, that night separated into two different events. The first half something I would gleefully tell my two best friends about the next day at school and the second part an entirely different story to be told when trying to illustrate the perils of drinking (too much) and getting out of a certain situation before it turned from bad to worse.

I left out the second part when I was talking to my friend about all of this, because we ended up talking about what can be defined as sex, and it actually only came to mind when she told me, in response to whether what had happened could be considered sex, “Don’t worry about it”.  To which I responded, “I’m not worried, I’m just telling you a story”. A mess of a story, but a story nonetheless.

4 Comments leave one →
  1. August 28, 2010 5:22 pm

    That’s quite a story – seems like you learned something from it though, and it raises a lot of interesting questions. “What is sex?” is a question I have posed to my students before, as a way of revealing the heteronormative and androcentric concepts of sexuality that we take for granted in dominant Western culture. It usually creates interesting discussion.

    Oh, and I loved Threesome growing up!! I haven’t seen it in ages – perhaps a revisit is in order. I had no clue how unconventional and risque of a film it was as a teen.

    GGG

  2. August 28, 2010 5:36 pm

    I was just thinking, after writing this, that I should watch it again. It was a great little movie. I don’t know why it wasn’t more popular in the 90’s.

    This idea that penetration equals sex is sooo ingrained in our culture. Even when you are aware that it’s a hetero concept, it seems like you always have to justify or at least explain yourself when you define it outside of that norm. Language is a weird thing. I don’t even know how many years it would take to deconstruct certain presuppositions like the ones attached to mainstream hetero definitions of sex.

  3. August 30, 2010 8:01 am

    ‘don’t worry about it’……..dude, you make me sound so blaze about it all…..which was not my intention during the conversation btdub.
    anyways….i haven’t seen this movie. def will be next on my list as i am always curious about pop culture comment on things such as this…..as i have engaged in a threesome or a few in my life.
    curiosity NEVER killed the cat.
    ‘the condom is the glass slipper of our generation.’
    xo

  4. August 30, 2010 12:25 pm

    Yes, well, I didn’t want to use too many adverbs while describing the scene. It was hard to fit an explanation of the tone of voice you used while saying it and that you were laughing.

    Watch it!!

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