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That’s How You Make Babies

July 22, 2010

When I was eleven my best friend and I used to go through her parents closet and drawers like it was a religion. At that age, I think it’s a normal part of your development to become noisy as hell. I figure it’s because you are starting to understand the underbelly of people’s lives, but adults still keep things hidden from you. Basically, you have no choice, but to go searching for answers on your own and that’s when you discover the magical world of sex paraphernalia and depending on whose closet you’re riffling through, maybe a bag of weed or two.

My infamous mother was babysitting two eleven year olds the other day, one of my good friend’s daughter and her friend, when the two girls took my mom into my friend’s bedroom and showed her what they found in the bedside table: a box of condoms and a book of sex positions. My Mom, the wiz under pressure, told them that’s what you did when you wanted to make babies.

I couldn’t help but point out that the box of condoms wouldn’t exactly be helpful when it came to making babies. “What else was I gonna tell them?”, my mother asked. I suppose she had a point. It’s a tricky situation to navigate when you don’t know how a kid’s parents are handling the whole sex talk situation. Thankfully, the kid in question’s mother is pretty open with her kids. She might not have been happy they went through her drawers, but she wasn’t upset by what they found.

How would you have handled the situation?

6 Comments leave one →
  1. July 22, 2010 5:43 pm

    When I was a child, I came across a stash of my parents condoms. They looked so pretty to a child, in their little colourful packets. My father caught me and when I asked him what they were for he said “They’re em, for if you cut your finger, they stop the plaster [band-aid] from getting wet”. I honestly think that was something he had thought of before hand because years later when reviewing a section in a survival guide suggesting always pack a few condoms (to carry drinking water) he offered the very same reasoning: “Oh yeah, you could also use them to cover your finger if it got cut to stop it getting infected.” Ah bless him 🙂 He’s dead now.

  2. July 22, 2010 5:50 pm

    Awww, that’s a very cute story/memory. Thanks for sharing.

    When I was ten or eleven, I found a box of condoms in my brother’s room. My friend and I opened all of them up. Testing their utility as gloves, balloons, etc. When he found out what we had done, he made me buy him a new box. I had to go to the pharmacy and get one for him. I remember paying for it with a pocket full of change. The pharmacist looked at me kind of strangely, but she didn’t say anything.

  3. July 22, 2010 6:06 pm

    Ha ha… that action would surely have lead to your brothers arrest in “Catholic” Ireland. I’m not even sure what would happen these days.

  4. July 22, 2010 6:10 pm

    I always thought Quebec, Canada was pretty catholic, but I guess we’re pretty liberal.

  5. Nicole Marie permalink
    July 22, 2010 7:21 pm

    I remember sneakily hiding my parent’s “Joy of Sex” book from their book shelf, and scuttling back to my room where my best friend was waiting to dissect it carefully. The 1970’s style hair (pubic and facial) was only a small part of the entertainment. I remember being so shocked and so incredibly curious at that age, and I remeber my specific mental image that EVERY SINGLE COUPLE was secretly running back to their bedrooms at the end of christmas parties to get it on in a myriad of challenging positions.

    looking back, that message that sex can be loving and fun was probably the best sex ed I’ve ever gotten!

  6. July 22, 2010 7:25 pm

    Ya, there was a “Joy of Sex” book at my Mom’s house too. It wasn’t exactly hidden either. I remember it would change place depending on who had looked at it last. It would go from being in a drawer in my brother’s room to being in the bathroom stacked above the toilet. I still have a copy of it in my book case. I’ve never actually read it cover to cover. I still plan on doing that one day. It really is a good book decades after it was first published. I wonder why there hasn’t been an updated edition, I guess it doesn’t need an update.

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