I decided to stop at the Dunkin’ Donuts right near my place to get a little something sweet. I had a hankering since I missed the freshly baked cookies at work earlier today. This particular donut shop is down right ghetto. They have a few tables and the oddest assortment of people always hang out there. To get there faster I cut through the middle of the tables on my way inside, and there was this guy sitting out there that was starring at me way too intently. The guy in question is really good looking, but frankly anyone who spends so much time hanging put in front of a Dunkin’ Donuts is a little weird in my books. I consider myself to be pretty open-minded, but come on, how about sitting on a park bench or something once in a while to change things up.
Getting back to the story, as I walked by where he was sitting he began to stare at me very intently. He twisted himself on his chair to watch me walk in. The entire time I was inside he continued to stare at me through the window. It was making me very uncomfortable. I mean he was REALLY staring! I’ve never had anyone look at me in quite that way before and for quite so long.
I didn’t know what to do, I really didn’t want him to approach me on my way out, so I tried my best to look like I hadn’t notice him and walk right past without giving him the opportunity to stop me or say anything. I only had to walk a block away, but I could still feel him staring at me. For a second, I worried that he would see where I live and then I blew that thought off as paranoid, but the whole thing did make me think about how it makes me feel to get hit on.
In most cases it makes me feel good. I love walking down the street and having some random person tell me I’m pretty. In fact, in some cases, when I don’t get that you-look-good kind of response, I start to crave it a little. The thing is though, is that when it’s too intense or lasts longer than a quick comment, I start to feel the pressure, because the way I react indicates whether I am also interested or not and at the best of times I just don’t know. I can never commit one way or the other and that’s what it feels like: commitment.
I never want to be a bitch, because hey it’s a free world and I always find it really disrespectful or at least hypocritical when someone I know tells me about some perv who hit on them, when in reality had the person coming on to them been good looking it wouldn’t have been a problem. I’m all for giving everyone a fair chance and seriously anyone who has the courage to risk rejection deserve a little politeness at the very least, but there is some behavior that is just uncouth. The tricky part is that everyone has different expectations and barriers and navigating that minefield can be dangerous. And to top it all off those expectations and barriers are in a constant state of flux depending on everything from your mood to the specific circumstances of the situation. Sometimes, it’s enough to make a gal want to give up.
On a totally unrelated note, I got an email from my ex today in which he told me he meet someone and that she’s “rad”. My response to him was: “I hope she turns out to be a horrible person and shitty in bed. [heart] Just being honest. Olga”. Turns out that I’m ok with being a bitch, sometimes.