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A Liberating Moan

January 7, 2010

I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but the last few posts have all been about masturbation. That might have to do with the fact that I read Betty Dodson’s book Sex for One: The Joy of Selfloving over the holidays and I pretty much earmarked a dozen pages that gave me a bunch of ideas to write about. For those of you who don’t know anything about Betty Dodson, I recommend that you check this lady out. She pretty much revolutionized the idea of masturbation. She was a pioneer, my friends, and she’s still going strong. 

I was walking home from my local pub the other night when a friend and I stopped in front of the window of a vintage shop. I had noticed an action figure of Steve Urkel. Fascinated by this icon from my childhood, we got to talking about the show that made Urkel a household name: Family Matters. This is back in the day, when ABC played a line-up of family oriented sitcoms every Friday night. TGIF, people! 

My friend was telling me about how he used to watch Family Matters every Friday with his Mom and his girlfriend, but that him and his girlfriend would go upstairs halfway through the show to have sex. Now, if there’s something to learn about having sex or masturbating in your parents home it is how to be QUIET! I don’t know about you, but the walls at my Mom’s house were pretty darn thin and the idea of anyone I’m related to hearing me climax is an unsavory thought. 

There you have it, generation after generation of sexually active kids learning how to cum as quietly as possible, which has made for some pretty timid sexual voices in some cases. Even when I was home alone, I would masturbate quietly. Until one day, while watching porn, I discovered that every time I would put the TV on mute in fear of getting caught, I would also find myself less aroused. Oh wonderful, moans, grunts, and slaps, how I like thee. You want to know how to turn someone on, moan in their ear and you’re half way there. Sound is such a powerful tool of arousal, I’m surprised it takes such a back seat to all the different elements our senses perceive.

I don’t think everyone should be a loud fuck, but learning to moan and let go can be a great exercise when trying to externalize some of the stuff you usually keep inside. It can be a very private thing, finding your voice, moaning even when alone. I remember a voice exercise I had to do for one of my drama classes. It was simultaneously one of the best and worst things I’ve ever had to do. While trying to find the voice of a certain story, I had to sit in a chair in front of a studio full of people, place my head between my legs and physically produce the sounds that my professor was asking of me. It may seem rather simple when explained on paper, but being someone who doesn’t like speaking in front of class in the first place and then being asked to voice the worst sound you could imagine over and over again, was in part, humiliating and certainly liberating. The process was gutteral! And worth it! 

Your homework: play with sound, find the heat! 

3 Comments leave one →
  1. naturegirl1 permalink
    January 8, 2010 11:58 am

    Oh so true! The noises of sex can be such a turn-on. Some years ago Phil & I had the wonderful experience of sharing a room with another couple. The lights were very low, though it was still possible to see, but when the other couple started to get a bit intimate, Phil & I felt duty bound to follow suite! Yes, I could see what was going on, but closing my eyes & just listening to the wet sounds & soft moans was so much more sexy. I will let you use your imagination to work out where things went that evening, but the key word is imagination. Visualising what whas happening took me/us on a trip I won’t forget!

  2. January 8, 2010 4:49 pm

    I know a lot of MEN than could take a cue from this as well. There was this moment, the first time I touched my boyfriend, where he let out this breathy ohhhhh, and I realized I didn’t get to hear that enough from guys. Where did they learn to be so silent? Perhaps silence = strength in their minds?

    Great post.

  3. January 8, 2010 8:43 pm

    Oh, I totally didn’t mention that, but it’s so true. Men or at least the majority of the men I have been intimate with have been sooooo silent and there is seriously nothing sexier than earring someone let out a moan of pleasure that you had a hand in causing. Maybe it’s a cultural thing….I don’t know. If I think back to the heterosexual porn I’ve seen the men are pretty silent….that might have an influence. It’s definitely interesting to think about. I would love to look more into this.

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