What Are Your Inhibitions?
I’m sure even the most extraverted of us have inhibitions. Perhaps they are things we just aren’t comfortable with or that we feel awkward about. I know that I am much more comfortable openly talking about things in a detached way than I am when it gets personal. I think that most of my inhibitions stem from my insecurities, but that can’t always be the case, can it? Some of them surely stem from our expectations or the expectations of others. Sometimes it feels like an internal struggle between the person I really am and the person who hides behind some sort of self-deprecation.
At present, I can tell you that I am not very comfortable with my own body and in some situations I can come off as being a little bit of a prude, when in reality I’m just ashamed of what my body looks like. In my early twenties I didn’t give a shit, hell I would have walked down the street butt naked if I had felt like it and now, I stop myself from taking off my clothes even when I want to. I’m not just talking about sexually either, swimming would be an example or wearing less clothes when it’s hot is another.
Definitely the place where it hurts the most is in a sexual relationship, because it stops me from completely letting go and enjoying the moment. When I was younger it was the complete opposite, my inhibitions stemmed from inexperience. Not wanting to do something, because I didn’t know how and I was afraid to ask for some guidance. Most of the time, I plowed through, not having a clue and certainly not aware of the delicate communication that there can be between two people in bed.
I’m not afraid of that anymore, although it’s definitely a skill that needs to be refined from person to person, but I still crave some sort of reassurance. A reassurance that I want from the other person. I know that’s not what they teach you when talking about self-esteem and confidence, but sometimes I can’t help but want that reflected in the world around me. I like being told I’m beautiful, I like feeling desirable, and maybe that is totally uncouth of me to say, because I know that ultimately I have to think that about myself, but damn does it ever feel good when someone else says it.