Cuntlove Survey: Do You Love Your Vagina?
Homoflexible – Identified / Queer
Q: Do you love your vagina?
A: I think I do. I don’t know her too well, and there’s been a lot of mistreatment between the two of us
Q: Do other people love your vagina?
A: Not even a bit.
Q: Are you afraid that your lover won’t love your vagina? The way it tastes, the way it feels, the way it looks, the way it smells?
A: I hadn’t been until I was with someone who didn’t like how it tasted, then I worried and fretted. Then I got over it.
Q: Have you ever looked at it? Why and in what context? How old where you? How did you react?
A: Of course, all the time. I use mirrors, flashlights, and speculums. I don’t remember the first time I saw it, because I feel like I always have.
Q: Do you feel comfortable showing your vagina to your lover or other people?
A: I’m okay showing the actual vulva and vagina to people, but it’s the surrounding parts I have issue with.
Q: Can you talk about it openly? Is there a time and a place for this topic? Is it off limits?
A: I can, and I think any place is appropriate as long as you’re with people who will appreciate it.
Q: In what way do you think the vagina has been portrayed in the past?
A: Subtly – those who would know recognized it, and those who didn’t didn’t.
Q: How has the representation of pussy in porn affected your view of your vagina and of vaginas in general?
A: It makes me love my cunt more because it’s there for me, not for all the eyes watching it through the screen.
Q: Are these representations different in mainstream media? (Think of all the jokes in sitcoms or movies that disparage woman and their anatomy.)
A: In mainstream media, the vagina is scary – people fear it and the power it has, they’re repulsed by it and what passes through (blood, children.) The vagina is never mentioned in relation to pleasure.
Q: What is the mythology of the cunt in your own life? What did you learn from your mom, you aunt, your older sister, your friends, your teachers, and men?
A: Nothing, nothing at all. I’ve taught myself everything I know. I had an interaction with a man who told me a lot that wasn’t true about my cunt, and I was young and naive and distrustful of my body – it set me back years of self-knowledge and exploration. I’m just starting to heal and understand.
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Q: What views and representations do you love and which ones would you like to change?
A: I like when it’s portrayed as something secretive and a little mystical.
Q: Do you have a name for it?
A: Not a proper name, but when I’m talking about it I usually say, ‘my cunt.’
Q: Are there words that you don’t like and why? Some examples: vagina, vag, pussy, cunt, peachfish, etc
A: I don’t like pussy – it’s diminutive.
Q: What experiences have you had with these words?
A: Pussy is what men call it when they aren’t sure of themselves. Cunt is strong, because it takes a lot to move past being called a cunt for saying no, versus talking about your cunt. I’ve been with women who have called it their dicks. I don’t like that.
Q: Do you have an idea for a name that you think we should all use?
A: No, no; it should be personal.
Q: What is a vagina to you?
A: The fleshy passage between the vulva + vaginal entrance to the cervix. I understand what people mean when they use vagina as vulva, though.
Q: Where is the clit? Where’s the g-spot? How did you find it? How can others find it?
A: I can find my clit by feel but not visually. I think it must be invisible. I look, though. The g-spot is an inch or two into the top of the vaginal canal – it feels different from the rest of the vagina, like the roof of your mouth. Others just poke around until they get it right. They usually don’t.
Q: What is your vagina good for? What purpose does it have?
A: My vagina has taken a lot of damage. Scar tissue doesn’t stretch. It doesn’t get used for much of anything anymore; when it does it hurts and tears but I’m working past it. It’s there to know about.
Q: Tell me where it ISN’T? Where have people mistakenly gone to look for your clit? For your g-spot?
A: People rub my urethra and think it’s my clit – that hurts. Someone once thrust into my belly button thinking they were close.
Q: How does your vagina smell? Describe it. Do you like it?
A: I love how it smells. It isn’t salty, but there’s something in it that makes me think of the ocean, beer, and the sun.
Q: Have you ever tasted it?
A: Yes – only on lovers’ hands and mouths until very recently.
Q: How concerned are you about its cleanliness? Why?
A: I don’t worry too much since it’s self-cleaning. Water feels nice, though.
Q: Have you ever used a douche and how do you feel about them?
A: I’ve never douched. Douching is terrible – a patriarchal creation with no purpose but to cause insecurity and an inflamed pelvis. No-one should ever douche, it will never help.
Q: Do you ever feel inhibited if your lover wants to go down on you?
A: Yes, I hardly let people go down on me.
Q: This section is meant to explore the positive aspects and perhaps to dispel some myths about the vagina and cleanliness. What are your thoughts on that?
A: It’s much needed.
Q: Do you alter your pubic hair in any way?
A: Not anymore.
Q: Do you trim? Shave? Wax? Laser?
A: I guess I do trim a bit. From before I was old enough to have hair to about a month or so ago, I shaved everything off. It was the most painful, degrading, and uncomfortable thing. I would be with someone and cry seeing it. I’m so glad I don’t feel that I need to anymore.
Q: Do you have any recommendations on how to avoid in-grown hairs?
A: Rub deodorant against the shaved skin.
Q: Basically what do you do “down there” why, and how?
A: I love what I have.
Q: Describe your period.
A: Painful. Confusing.
Q: What products do you use: tampons, pads, cups, sea sponges?
A: I’ve been using the cup for about three years; before that I used tampons. At night I lay down a towel and don’t use anything.
Q: How do you feel about having to bleed every month?
A: I love it, but it’s so hard on me. The first few days I can’t move the pain is so bad.
Q: Tell me about your first period? What you knew? What you didn’t?
A: I was on vacation with my family. I knew about periods but didn’t think it was that because it was such a dark brown, almost black. I didn’t tell anyone.
Q: What do you wish you knew back then?
A: About estrogen and progesterone and lining shedding, how bad tampons are for the environment and about hot water pads and codeine.
Q: How do you wish menstruating was perceived in our society?
A: I wish it was viewed as normal and unpathologized, almost revered, as it would be if men menstruated instead of women.
Q: Do you get psm? How would you characterize it? How do you deal with the effects of it?
A: I feel like I’m always pms-ing; I always have the symptoms. I think I “clear up” when normal people PMS, though.
Q: Pap tests, pap tests, pap tests. What are your gyno stories?
A: I had my first pap test a month ago (late, I’ve been sexually active since I was twelve) and the woman tore me open. Otherwise, it was less scary than imagined, less invasive than a general practitioner.
Q: How often do you get them?
A: I’ll be getting them once a year, and fuck you ACOG.
Q: What have been your experiences with them so far?
A: I wasn’t afraid of my results. Should I have been?
Q: How did you experience losing your virginity?
A: I was raped on top of a washing machine on my thirteenth birthday.
Q: How did it change you relationship with your vagina?
A: It began a horrible trial that I think I’m just beginning to understand now, eight years later.
Q: How did it feel?
A: Like I was being erased.
Q: If you haven’t given birth yet, does it scare you? Are you looking forward to it? Would you like to avoid it all together?
A: It used to scare me, but I’ve been learning more and more about modern medicine and how much they’ve fucked up such a natural process. There are women who wake up giving contractions, go on a hike, eat a full meal, and then hop in a bath with their whole family and give life. I’ve seen it.
Q: When did you first discover masturbation?
A: When I was nineteen. I’d done it for people before, but never correctly and I hated everything about it.
Q: How often do you masturbate?
A: Once a day or more.
Q: Did you ever feel shameful about masturbating?
A: Never when I’m really masturbating. If I do it for someone on video or in person I hate it and myself.
Q: Why do you masturbate? (i.e. horny, can’t sleep, etc)
A: Boredom, sensations in my cunt when I drink, to alleviate pain of any sort.
Q: What methods do you use? Have they changed with time?
A: I used to just use my hands. Then I used a clit vibrator but I’m back to just hands. Very rarely while I penetrate myself.
Q: Do you use any sex toys? Why or why not?
A: Sometimes. It’s too much of a hassle but I love looking at and touching sex toys, I love how liberating it is to own one.
Q: Do you get off vaginally or clitorally?
A: Both, ish.
Q: Have you ever had a g-spot orgasm?
A: Yes, very different from a clitoral one. Don’t ask me which I like more.
Q: What does your vulva look like?
A: My labia majora are swollen, they cover my labia minora completely. My clit is very small, it never comes out from behind the hood and hurts if it’s touched directly. I have scars that you can’t see unless you look closely. My skin is a light pink, fading into brown in some areas. I’m always wet.
Q: Do you have any insecurities about the way it looks? (i.e. one lip is bigger then the other)
A: I don’t think I do. I wonder sometimes.
Q: Do you love all those little difference about yourself?
A: I think, yes.
Q: Are their parts of your body that you just aren’t sure about? As in you might wonder…Is it normal that….? But you’ve just never asked anyone.
A: I’ve had bangs for so long, until now, that I wonder about my forehead a lot : is it the right size? That’s not about my vulva, obviously. Sorry. I think I’m pretty alright with mine. I’ve seen a lot of other vulvas and mine is different as everyone else’s is.
Q: How do you achieve an orgasm?
A: Circles a few inches above my clit.
Q: Do you ever fake it?
A: All the time. All the time.
Q: When did you first achieve an orgasm?
A: This is a hard question. I thought I orgasmed really easily all the time, and then when I began masturbating I learned what I was doing was not really orgasming…it still was, though. Just mini orgasms. My first mini was when I was fourteen and my boyfriend was sucking on my nipples. My first real was on my own, rubbing above my clit.
Q: What does it feel like?
A: Shallow, but everywhere. It doesn’t hit me to the bone. My vagina contracts very strongly. My orgasms last a long time, and I can get frustrated sometimes when I meant to just have a quick masturbation before getting work done and I can’t walk for a few minutes.
Q: Do you get different kinds of orgasms?
A: When I’m with a partner, there are a million different kinds of orgasms I can get. When I’m alone it’s just the one.
Q: How does you body react?
A: With a partner, I get very loud and flushed and shaky and it’s very lovely. Alone I look exactly the same. I can orgasm without anyone noticing.
Q: How does it make you feel?
Q: How do you wish it made you feel?
Q: How did it match up to your expectations?
A: Much better, since I thought I had been doing it for so long before I actually had. Maybe a little simpler but much more magical.
Q: Do you squirt when you cum?
A: Not when I come, but I squirt when I’m getting really into it.
Q: Do you like squirting?
A: It depends who I’m with. It’s embarrassing so I need to be with someone who understands and enjoys it.
Q: Do you wish you could squirt?
A: I guess I wish I could control it, or even be able to tell when I’m about to.
Q: Are you ever concerned that it might be pee?
A: The first time I squirted, the person I was with told me I peed. I knew I didn’t, but I didn’t know about squirting. After that if I felt the same feeling I would stop, get embarrassed and worried I’d do it again.
Q: When did it first happen to you?
A: I was being fingered roughly, I was very into it.