A Strange Twist of Fate
Alright, so I recently wrote about a sexual relationship I had with a friend of mine in High School. You can see the original post here, or if you want the short version: we were friends, I liked him a lot, possibly loved him, had a strange sexual relationship with him and we never talked about it. One thing I forgot to mention in the original post is that my best friend at the time and I were BOTH in love with him. A fact that we simultaneously shared with one another while drunk and drinking a coffee at our local pizzeria. We then decided that whatever happened would happen and that ultimately we were Ok with that.
Now, the reason I bring this up again is because the guy in question read the aforementioned post and we ended up talking about these events that toke place over ten years ago. It was brought to my attention that although he felt pretty much the same way about everything that happened, he had been told at the time that my intentions were different.
What could those have possibly been, you might ask? Well, it seems that some kind soul told him that the only reason I slept with him was so that my best friend would get over him. Not only is that some crazy made up lie, but it makes absolutely no sense. If I loved my friend and for the sake of her heart wanted to protect her from him, why in God’s name would I sleep with him in order to achieve that? It is simply a crazy hypothesis and something I would never do. It just doesn’t compute with my sense of reason or with the feelings that motivated my actions in the first place.
Besides being a little irate that he believed the person who told him this little tidbit of information, all I can think about is who the hell would do something like that. Obviously, fucking with my life was either something they didn’t care about or that is precisely what they wanted to do. I can only come up with four possible scenarios 1. this person either simply didn’t like me or wanted to hurt me for some reason 2. this person liked him and wanted to sabotage any relationship we had 3. this person liked me and wanted to sabotage any relationship we had 4. this person wanted my then best friend to have a shot at him with me out of the picture and 5. this person was a friend of ours since they were privy to this information.
No matter the reason that motivated their actions, I find it pretty despicable! This lie was a factor that pretty much changed my life without me even knowing it. Who knows what would have happened otherwise. One thing is certain, it had a direct effect on what happened back then and had a hand in shaping the events that took place.
It’s a strange feeling to think about all the misunderstandings in life that you probably have no idea ever took place and how they shaped the rest of your life. I’m sure this isn’t the only thing that ever happened without my knowledge and it’s scary to think about all the things that might have been different otherwise.
I used to be the kind of person who would keep their feelings very closed up, and in some respects I am still very much that person, but a couple years ago, I promised myself that I would never let fear come between me and expressing love to another person. Too many people are stubborn in love or risk loosing it because of some stupid sense of pride, but I truly believe that the best thing you could do for yourself is to tell the other person exactly how you feel. I thought that I had made my intentions very clear when it came to the relationship I had with this person, and when my feelings weren’t returned, I assumed that he just wanted to get laid. It seems I was wrong, and the only way any of this could have been avoided is if I had been clear about my feelings and what I wanted.