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Q&A With a Stranger About Her Body & Sexuality

November 16, 2009

Age: 23
No pregnancies
Bisexual, living as a hetero

Q: Do you love your vagina?

A: I’m working on it.

Q: Do other people love your vagina?

A: Sort of. My ex boyfriend used to say he loved it, but then there were times when he would tell me to shave, wax, or just shower before he would have sex with me. And he would say things about my “fat pussy”. He was loving, but I can still hear those words.

Q: Are you afraid that your lover won’t love your vagina? The way it tastes, the way it feels, the way it looks, the way it smells?

A: All the time! I’m very self-conscious of my vag. For the first years I was sexually active, sex only happened in the dark, and usually when both of us were drunk. My ex boyfriend was the first guy to turn the light on while we were doing it. He was also the only one to go down on me and get me off. Of course, before this happened, he would want me to be bare of hair and freshly showered.

Q: Have you ever looked at it? Why and in what context? How old where you? How did you react?

A; When I was discovering my sexuality, I would look at myself with mirrors or take pictures of myself. I was probably around 12 to 13. I would explore, and mostly, I was worried because my cunt didn’t look anything like the cunts I had seen up to then, mainstream porn cunt. I was always afraid that I was off, and it was uglier than most.

Click in the read more link for the rest of this Q&A. 

Q: Do you feel comfortable showing your vagina to your lover or other people?

A: I finally became comfortable in the last year of a 5 year relationship, but that’s it. I still get really nervous at the gyno.

Q: Can you talk about it openly? Is there a time and a place for this topic? Is it off limits?

A: If it’s brought up, I’d probably talk about it. But I’m not one to bring the topic up, even though it’s not off limits with me.

Q: In what way do you think the vagina has been portrayed in the past?

A: As a weakness.

Q: How has the representation of pussy in porn affected your view of your vagina and of vaginas in general?

A: The first vag I ever saw was in a porno I found of my parents’. I felt awkward for years because my vag didn’t look like their vags. 

Q: Are these representations different in mainstream media? (Think of all the jokes in sitcoms or movies that disparage woman and their anatomy.)

A: Not really. Mainstream media has continued to hold onto the porn ideal. 

Q: What is the mythology of the cunt in your own life? What did you learn from your mom, you aunt, your older sister, your friends, your teachers, and men?

A: Funny thing is that my mom never taught me anything about my cunt, which I have found to have distanced myself from her. I wasn’t close enough with her to talk about sex or my period. I even hid the fact that I had started my period for almost a year until my sister started hers and I felt like I could share. My father once drunkenly tried to give me the “use condoms” talk, but by then, I was old enough to have learned at least that much and just brushed it off. I felt like my cunt was a private thing, because it caused trouble. We don’t talk about our cunts. Sex is embarrassing, especially if you’re not in wedlock. At least, that’s how I felt growing up. I still ended up doing some stupid things with my cunt, but only because I didn’t realize that it held power, not weakness.

Q: What views and representations do you love and which ones would you like to change?

A: I love the power associated with the pussy, and I wish that we could harness that representation. I’m sick of hearing about how my cunt is a “handbag”. Once used, it loses value as you take things in and out of it, until it’s finally worn out and must be thrown out for a clean, new version. Fuck that.

Q: Are there words that you don’t like and why? Some examples: vagina, vag, pussy, cunt, peachfish, etc

A: Cumdumpster. Ugh.

Q: What experiences have you had with these words?

A: This word is used alot on some online forums I peruse, and it doesn’t bother me in print. But I just heard it out loud from a guy describing a girl, and I was insta-raging.

Q: Which names do you like? 

A: I like the scientific names, like vulva and clitoris, but also the cute ones like flower or iris.

Q: Do you have an idea for a name that you think we should all use? 

A: I’d love for everyone to use cunt. It’s considered such a dirty word, even worse than dick, and that makes me mad. 

Q: Where is the clit? Where’s the g-spot? How did you find it? How can others find it?

A: Its the little man in the boat on top! Ha, not too hard to find, but a little more difficult to manage. The g-spot inside the vagina, on the roof, just behind the clit. It kinda feels spongy. Best way to find my g-spot is to just use your hands!

Q: What is your vagina good for? What purpose does it have?

A: It’s good for pleasure and making babies. Also, sometimes it can get me what I want, and get me things that I don’t want.

Q: Tell me where it ISN’T? Where have people mistakenly gone to look for your clit? For your g-spot? 

A: My clit is NOT below my vagina. As for the g-spot, no one hardly tries.

Q: How does your vagina smell? Describe it. Do you like it?

A: Earthy most of the time. Sometimes after a long day, it smells like tuna, which I get self-conscious about, but I know that’s what it’s supposed to do. I’m not really a fan of the smell, but I’ve already described why.

Q: Have you ever tasted it?

A: Yes, I have. And I like the taste.

Q: How concerned are you about its cleanliness? Why?

A: Very concerned. I don’t like yeast infections, nor the smell.

Q: Have you ever used baby wipes or any other kind of wipes?

A: Once or twice, but I don’t like the feeling.

Q: Have you ever used a douche and how do you feel about them?

A: No, and I find them unneccessary. The vag is self-regulating.

Q: Do you ever  feel inhibited if your lover wants to go down on you?

A: All the time! It’s like, does it smell, how long has it been since I showered, when’s the last time I took care of the hair- and if it’s a new guy, it’s ten times worse because I’m worrying that he’s going to think its ugly. It’s ridiculous to say it aloud, but it’s the way I’ve been.

The vagina is a self-regulating machine. It’s supposed to smell. But our society looks down on all body smells, so the vag must smell good. I guess I’ve been ingrained with that idea towards the smell down there like the smell of my arm pits.

Q: Do you trim? Shave? Wax? Laser?

A: I self-wax. It took some time getting used to but have finally got it down to a science, and can do it faster to myself than a professional. I used to get it done, but I would be really uncomfortable with the woman helping me out.

Q: Do you have any recommendations on how to avoid in-grown hairs?

A: Exfoliate every day. Dry yourself completely after a shower and apply a moisturizer. But the exfoliating is really the big thing to remember.

Q: Basically what do you do “down there” why, and how?

A: I take all of the hair off. I guess if I’m frisky, I’d leave a little tuft on top, but I always feel like it looks wierd, like a mustache, so I just get rid of it too. I like the way it feels, but I mainly started because my boyfriend wouldn’t go down on me unless I did. And I really wanted that.

Q: Tell us about your first experience getting waxed or your worst or your favorite.

A: The first time I got waxed, I went to this fancy spa in a high-income neighborhood because I figured they would be the most polite. My waxer ends up being a very polite Asian lady who didn’t speak any English. I felt uncomfortable, mostly because all I could think about was how this lady had left her impoverished home back in Asia to find the American dream, and here she was, taking the hair off of a white girl’s vag. What a dream.

Q: Describe your period.

A: It used to be horrible, a painful monster that would bleed me and tear out my insides. I had really bad cramps as a teenager, leaving class and staying home on the first day usually. It would be heavy and make me angry and hate being a female. I eventually went to the gyno and started taking the pill, and OMFG, it’s been amazing ever since. So light, I only use light tampons and panty liners, no more supers. And if I do cramp, it’s something easily relieved with a couple of Advil.

Q: How do you feel about having to bleed every month?

A: At first, I hated it. But now, it’s a minor annoyance, and really, I’d rather do this than have sexual cycles like dogs, where you’re in heat only during a small amount of time.

Q: Tell me about your first period? What you knew? What you didn’t?

A: Worst. Period. Ever. I woke up Christmas day at my grandfather’s to panties full of blood and cramps that were killing me. I wasn’t close to my mother (or anyone at the time) so I didn’t tell her. Everyone commented on how angry I was that day. I was miserable. I knew what it was, but I didn’t know it would hurt like this. And I didn’t start using tampons until a year or so later, so pads plus a really heavy period makes for a sad girl.

Q: What do you wish you knew back then?

A: To not be so embarrassed by it!

Q: How do you wish menstruating was perceived in our society?

A:  I wish it was talked about more in a positive way. I feel like my view of a period was this bad thing and that nothing good came with it, so that’s how it manifested in me. I wish my mom had also been more open about it.

Q: What are your gyno stories?

A: I got a dirty pap this last year for the first time. The tests came back as positive for HPV. Fortunately, my gyno said it was the strain that doesn’t cause cancer. But I still had to go in and they took a biopsy of the virus from inside my cervix. Creepy and scary. The assistant had to use smelling salts on me after she was done.

Q: How did you experience losing your virginity?

A: It was the worst way to lose it, but it’s so typical. I had been crushing on this guy, he was a senior and I was a sophomore. We were in theatre together and I thought he was cute. At the prom night after-party, we got drunk and made-out. He wanted to have sex, but I was a virgin, so I told him no. We fell asleep in his truck together, and everyone at the party found us. They started accusing us of having sex, and I was embarrassed. At school, I avoided him because I felt so wierd about what everyone thought, even though I just wanted to talk to him. A week or so later at the graduation after-party, I got drunk and told him I had a “graduation present” for him. He took me in his truck to a secluded area, and we did it right there on the front seat. It was funny, because I remember that I still had one boot on and my pants were caught on them. I didn’t even really enjoy it, it was over so quick. He got off of me, threw out the condom, and we went back out to the party, and sort of went our separate ways.

Q: How did it change you relationship with your vagina?

A: Well, once I had done it, what was stopping me anymore? I started having sex, not alot, but if the opprotunity arose during a party, I would take it. And that’s the sad thing, because I realize now that 100% of my hook-ups before my first real boyfriend were all done under the influence of alcohol. I think I had a love/hate relationship with my vag. I was embarrassed by it, but was completely under it’s control.

Q: How did it feel?

A: Horrible! I mean, for a while after my first time, I felt good that it was over. But then I was all hooked up on this guy that was off at college. Every time he came back home for the weekend, I would just try to “accidentally” cross paths with him and hope something would click, and we would be dating. But that faded, and I became jaded, especially after getting used by a couple of guys, so that sex became this way-too-complicated thing that I wanted all the time, but didn’t have the guts to iniciate, so I would get drunk and hope something fun would happen. It wasn’t until I started dating my ex boyfriend that I realized that sex wasn’t overrated, and that there really are some really awesome moments you can have between two people.

Q: When did you first discover masturbation?

A: I think I was 12. I would look at my dad’s pornos and I would get this feeling like I had to pee. I started rubbing myself when this happened, and eventually I found myself getting off.

Q: How often do you masturbate?

A: It’s tapered off so much in the past couple of years. Now, I may rub one out once every week or two.

Q: Did you ever feel shameful about masturbating?

A: I did, but then I realized it’s not so bad!

Q: Why do you masturbate? (i.e. horny, can’t sleep, etc)

A: Usually it happens when I’m high and trying to go to sleep. I start feeling my body, and once I get off a couple of times, I sleep like a baby.

Q: What methods do you use? Have they changed with time?

A: I used to just get off to rubbing my clit. Then I started to do some penetration with my fingers, but mostly it was the clit. THEN I found my g-spot. That made penetration sooo much better, especially once I started squirting. I eventually got to using toys, mostly a vibrator against my clit until I cum like 10 times.

Q: Do you use any sex toys? Why or why not?

A: Now, I do. I don’t usually masturbate to just have time to myself. I don’t have time. So masturbating has been regulated to just the time when I’m trying to fall asleep in bed at night. I find that I like using a vibrator against my clit, because I can get myself off a handful of times in less than 10 minutes, and I’m drained enough to just sleep.

Q: Do you get off vaginally or clitorally?

A: Clitorally primarily, but if you hit that g-spot…

Q: Have you ever had a g-spot orgasm?

A: Yes! And it’s like OMFG, rainbows flying out of my pussy. Haha.

Q: What does your vulva look like?

A: Like an iris flower. I’m very much a fan of Georgia O’Keefe.

Q: Do you have any insecurities about the way it looks? (i.e. one lip is bigger then the other)

A: Totally. I feel like I’m a little lopsided with my inner lips.

Q: Or do you love all those little difference about yourself?

A: I wish.

Q: Are their parts of your body that you just aren’t sure about? As in you might wonder…Is it normal that….? But you’ve just never asked anyone. 

A: Yes, like my anus. I’m not a fan of that back there, but is it really supposed to look like that?

Q: How do you achieve an orgasm?

A: Usually by myself. Or when my partner is fingering me in a thrusting manner.

Q: What does it feel like?

A: Amazing. Like a body-quake.

Q: How does you body react?

A: Like electricity sizzles off of my skin from head to toe, and pleasure waves run through my body.

Q: How does it make you feel?

A: All warm and fuzzy on the inside, like I’m being hugged by a big warm teddybear.

Q: Do you like squirting?

A: Hell yes. Although I don’t do it all the time, I enjoy it when it happens.

Q: Are you ever concerned that it might be pee?

A: I did at first, but after smelling it and doing research, I wasn’t worried anymore.

Q: When did it first happen to you?

A: With my ex boyfriend. I’m not sure if I remember the first time, but I’m sure he was finger-banging me and I was relaxed and turned on enough for it to just come.

Q: Is it totally out of your control or can you make it happen when you want?

A: It’s sort of out of my control, but I know what I can do to try to make it happen. I just have to be in the right mindset to let it happen.

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