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What Do You Trust?

March 11, 2012
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I don’t remember whose blog I was on, when I followed a link called the “What I Trust List”. why you need one, and how to do it. What I do remember is that it made me think about the things I trust and to a certain extend what I know for a fact to be true.

I won’t get into a philosophical discussion of what is reality and what is truth, because that could go on for ages and has no practical application in this context. I will tell you, however, that I went through a period in my life where I thought I might be going insane, because I wasn’t sure what was real and what wasn’t. I doubted the very fabric of reality, but eventually I came to the conclusion that it didn’t matter if life was “real” or if I was living in a “dream,” to put it in terms easily understood, because I still had to live within the confines of this “reality.”

Just like it doesn’t matter to me whether God exists or not, because in either case it doesn’t really have an impact on my life. Knowing one way or the other wouldn’t change anything in my life, because I live based on a set of principles that stand on their own, despite the existence or non-existence of some supreme power. I still have to live my life. I still have to make decisions. I still have to find ways to make sense of it all.

Metaphysics, ontology, the existence of God, etc, are still questions that interest me and that deserve our attention, but they also have no practical application in our day-to-day lives. Whether you take the blue pill or the red pill, you still have to live within that “reality,” that social construct. Descartes might have theorized that we can’t trust our senses, and in many respects that’s true, but we can’t go around doubting everything we touch, see, taste, hear, and smell all the time. That’s just no way to live. At a certain point you have to trust that the color blue is the fucking color blue, even if it’s a construct, because otherwise how to you go on living, how to you continue to make sense of your life?

[So much for not going on a tangent, right? I guess I lied about that... Oh well.]

Critical analysis and doubt are certainly important facets of making sense of our lives. I mean, thank god (figure of speech) we don’t take everything at face value, but on a practical and personal level I think it’s important to assess what we do trust in our lives. Make a list if you have too.

Danielle LaPorte, the blogger who wrote the blog post that got me going on this tangent wrote:

I drill into my soul foundation, to what feels so true and solid that I just might bet my life on it. Unwaivering. Multi-dimensionally verifiable. Or close as I can get to it. The point: cool my mind and warm my heart. When that’s my state of being, I can respond to pretty much anything.

She goes on to write about how and why we should all write our own “what I trust list,” just click on the link above is you want to read what she wrote, or read on and let me tell you why I think it’s important.

I’ve mentioned before that I’ve struggled with depression (anxiety, agoraphobia, OCD, etc, etc) on and off from an early age. Pretty much everyone who goes through a low period, or a depressed period is prone to low self-esteem, low confidence, self-doubt, negative brain loops, whatever you want to call them. Actually, you don’t even have to be clinically depressed to have days where you  have this running mantra in your brain that goes a little bit like “no one cares,” “I suck,” “I don’t matter,” “nobody loves me” or whatever your version of that is. It can be really hard to have your own brain turn against you and repeat “no body loves you” all day long.

I feel like that today, I feel like a bully set up shop in my head and won’t quit taunting me. This is where a “what I trust list” can come in handy. Most of the insults this bully is throwing at me just aren’t true. I can trust in the fact that my mother loves me, that my family loves, that my friends love me.  I can trust in those things even when I doubt them, because when I stop listening to the bully, I know them to be true.

It can be a long list or a short one, and it can be really obvious too. Sometimes, it’s important to remember that you can: “trust [your] love for… trust [your] integrity….” etc, etc, etc.  Whatever demon you’re struggling with in your own mind, remind yourself about the things that you trust, the things you know to be true even when you don’t feel like they are.

SexRays by Wim Delvoye

March 11, 2012

I’ve been interested in the use of x-rays in art for a long time. I’ve broken so many things in my short life, I would love to have every x-ray I’ve ever taken to use in an art project, but unfortunately, I doubt I can track down the first x-ray I took when I was about 6 years-old, let alone all the subsequent ones.

Wim Delvoye had an idea, and unlike me, actually followed through with it. The artist asked a few friends to cover themselves in barium (a chalky substance that shows up on x-ray) and engage in sexual activities while being photographed in a medical clinic.

These are the resulting images. I’m pretty much in love with them. I wish there were more of them and more variety in the sexual acts depicted. Perhaps some things show up more clearly on x-ray than others. Either way, I’m a fan. Check out more of Wim Delvoye’s work here.

Enjoy these SexRays and have a happy Sunday!

Love In The Age Of Social Networking

March 9, 2012

A lot of people joke about the fact that Facebook has been the end of many a good relationship. For some it’s the ultimate spy tool, for others it’s a dandy way to make yourself go crazy over nothing. Long gone are the days of women waiting by the phone for some guy to call then. Now, people obsessively check to see if their significant others “liked” the funny video they left on their wall. Oh, and death to the guy who “likes” something that cute girl he just met at work left on his profile page.

My news feed is an ongoing soap opera of people getting engaged after only knowing each other for a few months, which prompts the many congratulatory comments and the occasional WTF from overjoyed and concerned friends. Then there’s the subsequent update “[insert name] went from engaged to single,” and like vultures hiding behind the guise of caring we crave the gossip. We wait in the shadows with one question on our minds: “What went wrong?” But we don’t want to be the first to comment, we wait and see other people’s reactions. Who will be the brave soul to ask what we all want to know?

Sometimes, I view my Facebook feed as a sociological experiment. The incessant links, the status updates appear in front of my eyes like data. It’s like silently sitting in the corner of a party taking note of the mating dance taking place in front of you. It’s easy to see who’s got a crush, who’s pulling away, who’s more invested, who’s trying harder, who’s falling in love, etc.

I’m reminded of that Big Bang Theory episode where Leonard starts dating a doctor and he freaks out when Sheldon hacks into his Facebook account and changes Leonard’s relationship status to “in a relationship” after only a couple of dates. The crisis is averted though when the doctor subsequently changes her relationship status to match Leonard’s. It was a funny episode that showed Sheldon’s lack of social grace and understanding of relationships. It all worked out in the end, but how many people do you know who have changed their relationship status way too early?

When I see a friend change her relationship status the minute it’s official and then I see that the guy she’s dating remain “single” for a good three months afterwards, I wonder if it’s because he just doesn’t give a crap about Facebook and didn’t think about it… I wonder, if he was pressured to change it… I wonder, what the deciding factor was?!

[Off topic: Things like this make me want to study human behavior. That's not a bad idea actually, maybe I should really consider going back to school, but what would I take? Psychology? I've always wanted to know why people do thing, what motivates them, what makes them tick.]

Anyhow, all of this rambling was prompted by the following piece of writing I read the other day:

Facebook Chat: An Unsolicited Chronicle

When we dated we didn’t advertise it much — especially over the Internet. We weren’t ones for the ‘In a relationship with.’ Nor did we exchange vows in jest with ‘Married to.’

However, we were ALL up on Facebook Chat. In fact, I would hear from you the moment your endearing, little name appeared at the bottom of my screen. If that weren’t the case, it would only be because something far more pressing or intellectual or intellectually pressing would have you preoccupied. As you clicked out of N+1 or your thoughtful response to your mom’s email, your name would shed its navy crescent (Facebook circa 2008). Then, it’d be go time!

In retrospect, our conversations were hardly significant. At least, that’s what our painfully present chat history implies. From our conversations that were ushered into the new era of Facebook, we only covered the following: plans in lieu of a missing phone and links, lots of them.

Many of our conversations have slipped through the cracks of Zuckerberg’s chronicle (which is obviously a good, healthy thing for me). I still recognize the sentient colors and impressionistic strokes of your shrunken profile pic that now, to me, embody an emotional era. You know, that time when we dated.

Now when I see your name and that damned green circle, I just feel vulnerable. It reminds me that you need to show other people how you’re no longer ‘Offline.’ I imagine these other people (ok, GIRLS) that you’re exposing your name to. They are the ones worth embarking on abrupt, ten-minute conversations with. It’s no longer us who are ferociously swapping links like spit. Whatever, I’ll share this awesome cover of Tubthumping with someone else. Oh, and forget EVER opening that site with the illegal Homeland streams. You will no longer be on the receiving end of my newsletter of Internet novelties. Not to sound overwrought, or anything.

As you appear online, it’s as if this cyclical “ex-at-a-party” scenario is unfolding — in a room full of people, we are both aware of each other yet we hardly acknowledge the other’s presence. Only this happens over the f-cking Internet every other week, not in the locus of IRL (a party woooo) or somewhere else more real. The fact that this song and dance only takes place within my mind makes it all the more stunted and, well, sad.  I wonder if this peripheral encounter bothers you too and whether (or not) you think about it.

We’ve been split up for ages, and my hung-up deadline has long since passed. At least, that’s what the mild changes in technology tell me. Hell, we both have timelines now. Facebook Chat no longer resonates with the popping of kernels but now is merely interchangeable with Gchat’s sounds and motions. In mourning our relationship, I find myself mourning a Facebook format — not that I would join a group about it or anything. But, I can now empathize with the dissolved 1,000,000 FOR THE OLD FACEBOOK BACK.

Facebook Chat, now this bunk system of communication, stresses how not over you I am. I am the only one of my friends who still uses it. I’m not counting my younger cousins and those others on my limited profile who just don’t know better.

In fact, this article would seem less petty and immature if I were harping on your presence on GChat — far more adult now that you’re a professional at whatever it is you do.

I really hope that, one day, the appearance of your name will no longer bother me, and I’ll curb any (and all) concern with your Internet identity. That, or, Facebook will again transform itself with settings that are even more invasive. I imagine a virtual witch-hunt exposing the creepers, the obsessed—those like me. Hopefully, we’ll be scared into submission, normalcy, or better yet, closure.

- by Oona Haas (reblogged from Thought Catalog)

This piece by Oona Haas really resonates with me. I know too well the feeling that damn green circle can evoke in a person. That’s why I tend to delete these people or even block them. One of the first things I did when my fifteen year old friendship with my best friend dissolved was delete her from Facebook, but even that wasn’t enough. With 70+ friends in common her face and her words still appeared all over my news feed. I blocked her, because I didn’t want the constant reminder. Sometimes, I unblock her, because I think the feelings have resolved themselves, but then I see her all too familiar face in a comment thread and my body reacts in a visceral manner that let’s me know I’m not over it, and I block her again.

It’s not like you can solve a problem by deleting it from Facebook, but why put yourself through that if you can avoid it with the click of a button? I know it’s a temporary fix, and the real life issue will need to be dealt with eventually. Closure for myself, some sort of letting go involved, etc, etc, etc, but sometimes I feel like I need to avoid a problem long enough until some of the sting has past, so I can deal with it with a clearer head. Of course, the problem with that is that I tend to avoid things for a very very long time. Stupid Facebook.

A Collection Of Advice Based On Search Term Stats – Pictures NSFW

March 8, 2012

Welcome to Cuntlove’s  advice column. I don’t claim to be an expert at anything. Rather, I hope that this advice column will become a place of discussion and support. I invite all readers to join the discussion and offer advice, or at the very least direct the person seeking help to the appropriate resources. Personal stories and experiences about the issues at hand are appreciated. That being said, let’s get to it.

I skipped last week’s advice column, because, well, I didn’t feel like writing. My bad. This week, I don’t have any actual questions to answer (tsk, tsk, send stuff in, folks), so I decided to cull some “questions” from Cuntlove’s search term stats and answer those to the best of my ability.

how to fuck fat women

Seriously? I refer you to this post. If you actually want to know techniques and stuff, I would say any which way possible. Just ask her how she likes to get fucked, that’s a good starting point for any sexual relationship.

pee or cum

I’m sure there have been circumstances when it’s been pee, but for the most part it’s cum. Check out my series on female ejaculation for more information, especially my post: Pee or Cum?

Also there’s this:

You tell me, does that look like pee? Hell no.

cervical penetration

This is a cervix. It’s located at the end of the vaginal canal. That little hole you see in the center is the (cervical) external os, and it’s a rather small opening. measuring 7 to 8 mm (at it’s widest) in woman of reproductive age.

“The cervix protrudes through the upper anterior vaginal wall. Approximately half its length is visible; the remainder lies above the vagina beyond view. The portion projecting into the vagina is referred to as the portio vaginalis. On average, the portio vaginalis is 3 cm long and 2.5 cm wide.”

Trying to force anything into the cervical os is extremely painful and dangerous. You cannot penetrate a cervix with your dick, and just hitting it with the tip of your cock when having sex is painful, although some people enjoy that, but under no circumstance are you penetrating it. The only time the cervical opening enlarges is when a woman is in labor and it dilates to approximately 10 centimeters. I suppose it would be possible to then penetrate the cervix, but the baby coming out would probably get in the way.

womb penetration

I refer you to the above question. If you can’t get past the cervix, there’s no way you’re getting into the womb. Still confused, here’s a diagram.

There’s just no way you’re dick is gonna get through that cervix and into the womb even if it’s 20 inches long. Just not gonna happen.

what’s the difference between a womb and a uterus

Nothing, they’re the same thing.

how a penis looks like when entering a vagina

This is just one example of many many many possibilities, but you get the gist of it. You’re welcome.

x-ray of penis in vagina

Sorry, this is the closest I got. Check out this dude’s other x-ray work, it’s pretty awesome.

small dark lump on vagina

It can be a lot of things, not all of them dangerous, but if it’s still there, I would go see a doctor. Better safe then sorry.

can you get rid of a camel toe by masturbating?

No.

do women like cum?

Some do, some don’t. Just like some people like pears and some don’t, but even the people who like pears don’t like all pears, and not all people who like pears like getting a slice of pear shot in their eye, but then again some do. If you’re wondering whether a specific woman likes cum, ask her. By the way, cum can change in texture and taste depending on many things, but one factor you can control is what you eat. To improve the taste of your cum, if that’s a concern, try eating sweet yet acidic fruit, like pineapple.

When You’re Obessed With Someone’s Ex

March 8, 2012

I dated this guy once who had the uncanny ability to talk trash about his exes while simultaneously putting them on some sort of pedestal. I should specify, he didn’t talk trash so much as he talked about what was wrong in the relationship, i.e. this one had a bad temper, that one was too emotional, that one was crazy, that one was too controlling, but he also went on about how amazing they all were, and how much they had been in love. He had a tendency to romanticize past relationships.

At first, it didn’t bother me, you could even say, I was curious. Well, who isn’t, right? Mostly, it was good in the “we were sharing our lives with each other” kind of way, or so I thought at the beginning. Eventually it became a real drain on my self-esteem. I felt like the only way I could be on one of those pedestals is if I weren’t in his life anymore. Some people prefer the ones that got away to they ones they have.

At my worst, I compared myself to these exes and always fell short. I became obsessed and looked for what I was lacking that these other girls had while simultaneously trying to repress the things in me that he didn’t like in those other girls (my temper, my emotions, etc). It took a while, but I realized that the way this guy romanticized his exes was less about me and more about him. The only thing I could control was my reaction to it. Did I want to be this person who wasn’t getting what she needed from the relationship and would  settle for whatever she could get? No. Did I want to be this person who was so jealous it was eating her up inside? No. Did I want to be anyone else but who I was? No.

How fucking liberating to be free of that! I have no idea where this guy is anymore, or if he’s dating anyone. I hope he’s happy, and I’m not jealous anymore. Actually, this might sound mean, but if he is seeing someone or married or whatever, I’m kind of glad someone else had to deal with all the girls that came before. Hopefully, she’s a stronger woman than me.

I’m sure I’m not the only one who’s ever become obsessed with someone’s ex. Actually, I know for a fact I’m not. It’s pretty common, especially in the age of social networking and blogging where everything you’ve ever wanted to know about a person is at your fingertips. Seriously, how many of you have looked up someone’s ex on Facebook? Come on now, don’t be shy. Raise your hands. How annoying is it when their profile is set-up with maximum privacy and all you can see is their profile picture?

I don’t like censoring people. I don’t think you can be friends with someone if you have to censor what you say or what they say all the time. Relationships just don’t work like that, but you also have to consider the other person’s feelings. It all comes down to respect is what I’m saying here, but what does that mean exactly?

I’ve been struggling with the idea of respect, as well as self-respect. I’m not sure how to define them; what they means in a practical way. I mean, how do you apply it in your day-to-day life, and in your relationships? Before being able to do that, you have to be able to define it for yourself first, right? I might need some help here, define away guys! What’s your idea of respect and self-respect? Or tell me about that time you were obsessed with someone’s ex. I want to hear it all!

Did I Have An Orgasm?

March 6, 2012

I started masturbating when I was really young. The earliest memories I have of masturbation are from when I was about five years-old. I don’t think I really understood what I was doing, I just knew that it felt good, and that I had to hide when I was doing it. It wasn’t until I was about 10 years-old that I started feeling guilty about it. Maybe that’s the age where I became aware of what it was and what it meant. I kept doing it, but for a short period there, right around the same time my grand-father was dying of cancer I felt really ashamed.

Fast forward a couple of years, and beyond masturbation, I became aware of what an orgasm was. I don’t know how or when exactly. Maybe it was reading my brother’s penthouse magazines and all the descriptions of what it was like to cum, just before I hit puberty, masturbation was no longer just this thing I did that felt good, it was supposed to come with a big ‘O’ at the end.

For years, I thought I wasn’t having orgasms. It never felt the way it has been described. It didn’t happen in the same way it did for guys; with an end point, with ejaculation. I thought I was missing something. Where were my fireworks? And uncontrollable body spasms? I’d masturbate, hit this plateau that felt really good and then stop. There was no big explosion at the end. I didn’t know that I could keep going, or that orgasms come in many different shapes and forms.

 

 

I can’t tell you when I had an orgasm for the first time, because I was probably having them all along. With practice, experience, maturity, inhibition, and the help of a few sex toys and strong jets of water pressure, I discovered I could keep going beyond that plateau.

Not only, can I have one orgasm, but I can have multiple orgasm in a row. The first one is good, the plateau takes a little dip and then goes back up again, and the second is even better. It can go on and on like this until I’m satisfied, but there’s always this feeling like I could keep going, like I still haven’t had the big “O’. I thought the big ‘O’ would feel like an ending, like all my sexual energy and pleasure would be released, but it doesn’t feel like that. It all still kind of hovers around my body; clinging to me until my blood flow starts moving in other directions besides my genitals, but it’s still there and I can harness it anytime I want.

Multiple orgasms are something that used to confuse me as well. I thought a “multiple orgasm” would be like a string of firecrackers blowing up one after the other; pop, pop, pop, pop, pop,my body seizing in an ongoing spasm, but the reality is different. There’s a pause between each one, for me anyhow, and then there’s another build up, and another, and another.

 

 

These days, when masturbating, I rarely (err pretty much never) stop at one orgasm. I don’t know how many I could have in a row, but I usually stop at around 3 or 4. The second, third, and fourth orgasms are usually really easy to achieve, because I’m riding the wave of the first one, and they tend to build in intensity, but I find that after 4 orgasms, the next one begins to be more difficult to achieve.

So, ya, I’ve been having orgasms for years. I’ve even ejaculated a few times, but there was a moment where I consciously decided “yup, I’m having an orgasm.” When people say you’ll know it when you have it, they clearly don’t know what it’s like to doubt your own body and its reactions, or to simply be confused about what it should feel like.

It’s difficult to explain what an orgasm feels like, and I think people tend to use flowery language, or literary metaphors and exaggerations to explain how good it feels, which in my opinion leads to a lot of confusion and erroneous expectations.

Portrait of Santorum Made Out of Gay Porn

March 5, 2012

I’m not the most political person on the block, and I’m Canadian, so I don’t have a complete grasp of the U.S. political system, but you’d have to be living under a rock to not have the slightest inkling that the current presidential candidates (the republicans anyhow) all kind of blow. I’m gonna go on a limb here with a broad general statement that might be false (educate me if I am), but it seems to me there’s a good chance the next American president, whoever he turns out to be, will create a shit storm when it comes to gay rights, reproductive rights, etc. It seems to me like there are a lot of really important issues on the line here.

One of the Republican hopefuls, Rick Santorum, has called contraception “dangerous,” he’s opposed to same-sex marriage, and he also stated that he doesn’t believe a “right to privacy” is part of the constitution. Here’s an excerpt from his Wikipedia page:

[Santorum] has been critical of the Supreme Court decision in Griswold v. Connecticut (1965), which held that the Constitution guaranteed that right and overturned a law prohibiting the sale of contraceptives to married couples.He has described contraception as “a license to do things in a sexual realm that is counter to how things are supposed to be,”and said in 2003 that he favors having laws against polygamy, adultery, sodomy, and other actions “antithetical to a healthy, stable, traditional family”.

In 2003, Santorum became the subject of a controversy when he juxtaposed same-sex marriage with pedophilia and bestiality during an interview. The remarks drew a retaliatory response from gay rights activist Dan Savage, who launched a contest to coin a “santorum” neologism among his blog’s readers. The outcome was a description pertaining to anal sex, and since 2004, the website Savage set up for the campaign has regularly been among the top search results for Santorum’s surname, leading to what commentators have dubbed “Santorum’s Google problem”.Santorum has characterized the campaign as a “type of vulgarity” that was spread on the Internet.In September 2011, Santorum unsuccessfully requested that Google remove the content from its search engine index.

And that’s just scratching the surface. This guy is dangerous. I think I would cry if he were elected president. Thankfully, I’m not the only one. The brilliant people over at Unicorn Booty decided to make a portrait of Rick Santorum made entirely out of gay porn stills. Fucking awesome! It really speaks for itself.

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